I hate old memories

Just flipped through my electronic memorandum of my last graduation party. Man...no one can imagine how painful that was. My brother was right, I can't handle the present, nor the past.

Sometimes I really could just find a place and die...there is nothing left to reminice about, all I ave is a grand sadness that all those worlds that could've been...shall never be.

I will fight for wh oI should be...and let the past and all plausible presents (afterthoughts of what I did and didn't do) die.

Every girl I come across just reminds me of the impossibility of having found someone in my youth...of enjoying more normal things.

All I can do is look to the future...work for the future and never lay eyes on the present.

Dabbling with taboo

I have been warned on several occassions but after much study and deliberation, I believe I should become a Free mason of the United Grand Lodge of England as soon as I step foot on English soil. I like their philosophy and it would further convenience my peace of mind by feeling that, internationally, I belong somewhere...a guild of sorts.

It's all hogwash when it comes to microsoft. Nothing creative nor cultural about it. Steve Jobs was right, except that Apple wasn't the only group with culture.
A whole world with culture.

Microsoft has always been notorious for not favoring creative genius in any way (with the exception of genius that could be domesticated). But real genius, the kind that makes s persons skin crawl or swipes the tapestry from under their feet.

Good artists copy, great artists steal...but the best artists kill.

Beauty always has to be created at the cost of something...even if it means shifting the balance somewhat.

To the benefit of Mr. Kite

How amusing it is to actually see "less than theologians" have disputes over the nuetrality of Wikipedia's John the Baptist article. Maybe it would be best to leave this to historians if they want articles to be unscathed by religion. Still, it's somewhat entertaining to see how an innocent and forgotten historical figure still holds some water in the present minds of netizens.

Casinos of the world...Achtung!!

If anyone has the bright idea if telling me that the fucking game "video poker" is poker in any sense...I will pull their eyeballs right out of their sockets.

God knows how many times I've lost to those poor excuses for a pachinko machine, thinking that I was playing a one on one poker match with the computer (stupid monitor would never show me the computer's hand and I just kept banging the damn machine to give my money back).

I will one day purify the race of electronic gambling machines by providing a final solution (via flash memory) by converting all video poker machines to the full poker algorithm ideology and carbonizing all those that cannot be converted (or better...use their parts for scrap).

Heil Poker!!
Heil Poker!!

In a funny and odd way, I'm waiting to die...I don't think I need me anymore, if there is no more to wait for. Everything I start is stalled until further notice.
I'm quite tired actually, of everything and everyone...can't even remember why I even bothered to finish college, nor why I...
Everything is gone...all our dreams...the our in that sentence.

It's just me now...it's as if someone did die...

I think I died

I can't go back home, I can't go back to where I felt good.

Almost

I'm almost there...I'm so damn close, now I need to filter it down and make it more useful, but I've found at least 400 possible memory archives in the damn 40 Gig image.

New project

While I'm waiting for an inspiration to make games, I'm now working on a little hobby project (actually two, the latter being that I repair my old PSX, but it's a matter of soldering four CD lens control pins). The hobby project has two stages:
1.- Identifying the offsets of recognized saveram headers in a huge 40 Gig image I ripped out of the PS2 HDD with linux
2.- Extract those files by using the recognized headers file size information

It should be fairly easy, but since I'm without a clue as to what I'm looking for, I'm sorta rahashing my C coding expertise here.

One very cool thing about this project is that the code is gonna be completely portable (only using stdio.h) so anyone wanting to get it later for any platform can.

it's so easy, I'm getting all gitty about it.

No sense pretending it's over

This time of reflection, is more like a passive walk through memory lane. Watching old movies, seeing forgotten sites, playing unfinished games...makes me think about where I truly belong. I've realized that baal's death was a god send...I finally tore myself away from proteco.

I'll miss the incredible bandwidth, and even then, I don't think I'll ever be able to acheive that speed, even if I'm accepted into DGSCA (and have access to Internet 2).

The grass is always greener on the other side...even if I don't want to leave home, I want to see the extravagance of Europe...I want to become more like them. Then go to Japan, enamore myself with the technology (although I'm getting the faint idea that everything over there is small) and perhaps the culture...but I'll never kneel to them...I believe incessantly that I am of a superior race because I am the mix of every race in the americas...I'm the true face of america.

I'm black...I'm white...I'm moreno...I'm spaniard...I'm Jew...I'm Catholic...I'm Mexican......I'm all fine.

Serendipity

I still don't know the meaning of that word...well not precisely.

I guess I mean to enjoy my solitude these days, I don't really want to go back to the limelight until I'm really needed again...I should continue tending to myself. I guess I'm tired of being at the mercy of this world needing me...I have discovered that playing around with one's life is sometimes more important than ordering the lives of others to accomodate his own.

I'm still a domestic dreamer anyway.

I don't even know if anyone else can read this, not that I care, but maybe a glitch in the system...nah, I'm too tired.

I should be happy that I'm somewhat alone again.