Home is where is the heart is.

I look at my thumbs. Two next each other, different...I've never noticed this but then I guess it's normal being we're not symmetrical. So even our own bodies are two halves of different beings.

I'm having moe flashes of happy places. Places I've never been to, or that I can barely remember.

I guess Germany calls, but England calls first.

Yet...

A part of me wants Japan.

And a bigger part of me wants home.

Many girls were in my life this weekend. They all brought me a token of a happier time in my life.

Maybe happiness is a woman after all.

First Sara...whose pain she has finally shared with me and I have promised to seal it in my heart for her sake.
Linda...her fingers...in my hand they dance. Our souls are so close and yet uncompromising.
Vero...who I feel like I could give up everything for...so distant and so close. I often want to imagine she's right next to me. If she could only be mine...
Ade...more like a mother or sister than anything else. She brings out the best in me and expects the best in me. Of all my lady friends, I would never want to lose her, even if it's just a lifelong friendship. She has what I want...but I can't fathom being there forever with her...I would hurt her - we both want immortality.

Because of them I never want to leave...but I also want to run away...

I want to see the world but I want to know that I have one of them, at least, to come home to.

Knackered mind

Last few months have been nothing if not an emotional torrent, balancing between a torn open heart and a need to go on. My emotions have gotten the better of me, slowing down my performance and, in some cases, completely halting me.

These things, which everyone else on the planet has mastered, are amongst my greatest of fears. I cannot control my life and I can't lead others right.

Concerning Sabarasa, I feel I might be closer to the end than I had surmised...I am slowly becoming unnecessary quite rapidly. I don't know if a work place is purely an idiosyncrasy of an engine or something else akin to a much more familiar social unit...like a family.