My window in Berlin Revisited

It's now my window over Santa Fe.

Getting the apartment was easy, now keeping it is seemingly hard.

More because I am going up and down the emotional ladder much more frequently. I've always hated my feelings but now I know why...I've been trying to avoid this feeling of loneliness and abandonment all my life.

Despite my will to survive, I can't help but feel like I'm about to collapse in tears sometimes. I do cry, by myself, hidden from everyone else, but I cry.

Nonetheless I know why I did this, I know why I came here...my only comfort being that I came here to learn, to grow up...and finally be human...

I have been hiding in my own shadow for so long that I've completely forgot how to love. I want to love...I want a family...I don't want to die alone.

Is this the legacy of my forefathers...being alone no matter what?

I am seeing things through different eyes. It is difficult to open my heart...when all I want is to stop it from bleeding.